Douchebag Patriots Manifesto

Dumb- Douchebaggers R against big words, fancy ideas, education, thinking and stuff.

Oblivious- Reality is overrated. We believe all kinds of shit just for the hell of it.

Unhinged- The Douchebag party stands for freaking out.

Caterwauling- As well as screaming, howling, bawling, ranting and craziness.

Hateful- We hate too many people and groups to count, and we use vile rhetoric to smear them.

Easy- Only elitists believe in anything you can't fit on a bumpersticker. All ideas should be as easy as this manifesto. Elitists rite long complicated stuff to confuse you and make ur head hurt. Our ideas are simple and make you feel smug and superior while reveling in your ignorance.

The Douchebag Manifesto

Dumb- Douchebaggers R against big words, fancy ideas, education, thinking and stuff.
Oblivious- Reality is overrated. We believe all kinds of shit just for the hell of it.
Unhinged- The Douchebag party stands for freaking out.
Caterwauling- As well as screaming, howling, bawling, ranting and craziness.
Hateful- We hate too many people and groups to count, and we use vile rhetoric to smear them.
Easy- Only elitists believe in anything you can't fit on a bumpersticker. All ideas should be as easy as this manifesto. Elitists rite long complicated stuff to confuse you and make ur head hurt. Our ideas are simple and make you feel smug and superior while reveling in your ignorance.

Golden Douchebag Nominee: Chuck Winder

Just when you think the heights of douchebaggery have been reached, along comes an over-achiever of such renown we must stand back and gasp in wonder at the pure, unadulterated douchebag patriotism of an uncommonly douchey dude. Such is the case of Chuck Winder (R) of the Idaho state senate. He actually has proposed a state law in Idaho that would seek to make the fed enforce anti-drug laws in other states that have approved legal marijuana. The thing is, this guy is all about states rights. But a true douche doesn't let hypocrisy get in the way. Never.

The two measures are SCR 112, which would state the Idaho Legislature’s firm opposition to legalizing marijuana in the state for any purpose; and SJM 101, a non-binding memorial calling on the federal government to enforce federal anti-drug laws in all states, including those, like Idaho’s neighbor Washington, that have legalized marijuana. “Legalizing this substance is a threat to all states and citizens, not just to the few states that have opted to violate federal law,” the measure states. Both measures are sponsored by Sen. Chuck Winder, R-Boise.

Polls: Americans Hate Douchebags

Bad news Douchebag party. Rasmussen, the polling outfit that specializes in the key demographics you draw from (old, white, "conservative") is showing that only 8% of respondees will actually cop to being among your numbers and only 30% of likely voters have a favorable opinion of your foul, illiterate crap. So, like, last week it was all "we're coming for you with the worst tantrum ever." You may find yourselves throwing a much smaller tantrum that you originally anticipated, dear Douchebaggers. But don't let that stop you. Come unhinged and show people what you're really made of. That way lies irrelevancy.

Douchebaggers Promise Epic Tantrum

“We now have 85 members of the House who have shunned their noses at us,” said Dustin Stockton, a Texas- and Nevada-based operative and the chief strategist of The Tea Party.net. “Our job now is to recruit and inspire and motivate people to run against those Republicans who did it. They will need their noses and they shunned them. At us. Nobody can be elected without a nose and that's in the constitution and the Bible."

 "This will be the biggest tantrum ever now that congress didn't let the country go over the fiscal cliff," said one characteristically vocal Douchebag Patriot after Tuesday night's last minute deal that raised taxes and did very little to cut spending. "Cutting spending during a recession like Hoover did is the only road out of this mess. I knows my history. And this will mean more taxes for the people who take the responsibility for keeping all of the money, like the Kochs and Romney. We should be thanking them instead of making them pay taxes. It's hard being rich because you have to be able to count high. In numbers. Now I won't make any money next year because billionaires will have to pay taxes and won't give me a job. I'm lucky I'm retired, so none of this really effects me."

 The Douchebags have announced that their tantrums are going to be louder than ever before. "All of our candidates won in the last election," claimed Stockton, the Texas-Nevada Douchebag. "We're going to scream so loud that everyone will vote for Douchebags just to shut us up. I have a two-year-old and that's what he does. You'll see. This is brilliant political strategy. Guns also."

Two Faux News Talking Heads at War Over Palin

http://douchebagpatriots.blogspot.com/2011/09/perry-on-immigration-whats-douchebag-to.html

This is a fun one to watch. Clearly the Republicans would love to make Sarah Palin go away, but, gosh darn it, they still need the moron vote. What's a douchebag to do? Without the low information voter, they are sunk, but with the low information voter, they could end up with a farce like Palin being nominated.

Perry on Immigration? What's a Douchebag to Do?

So, you're a douchebag, which means that business can do no wrong and obviously no laws should ever put any limit on what business does. You also, obviously, don't like illegal immigrants. How, then, do you get around the fact that Houston builder Bob Perry, among other big money donors want to keep the flow of cheap labor coming and oppose all efforts to end illegal immigration? Poor douchebags. Life is hard when you have no sense of irony.